If something is not a hell, yeah, then it’s a no
On learning to say no and being comfortable about it...
I had to turn 40 to understand what my hell yeah stands for entirely. Some days I feel I’m awfully late, and I should have learned it when I was a starry-eyed twenty-something to save myself from all the troubles of enduring bad dates, horrible bosses, and awkward situations. But sometimes it is liberating, that no matter how long it took, I am here.
I might have needed this long, but I managed to get it together and understand the difference between what’s right for me and what’s not, what I will put up with and what is unacceptable. All these years not only taught me the concept but gave me real-life examples that loom over me, reminding me of my vow I had made to myself:
I will only say yes to things that are worth saying yes to.
But it takes practice to know what you want, to draw the line when it seems a bit blurry, and to say no loud enough that it won’t be mistaken for a maybe. It also takes practice to say yes.
Eventually, it all boils down to authenticity.
Your authentic self is defined by the things you allow and the things you reject. It’s about your choices, your chosen attitude, your crowd, your views, your opinion, your words. They are all carving out space for you — outlining you and setting you apart.
It is about duality.
Saying yes doesn’t mean a thing if you never say no. If you go with the herd, you won’t ever find your way. If you agree with everything, there is nothing to remember about you. Your opinions and views mean very little if there is nothing to disagree with.
You must learn to say no to things that you don’t want. But for that, you need to know what it is that you don’t want. What are the things that you do out of obligation or because it’s expected, or because you think you should? When you don’t say no, you are taking on inauthentic things that will take time, energy, and space from all the things that would serve to express you and help you grow.
“Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough.” — Josh Billings
I started to write and publish six months ago. I remember the date, and I even remember the day - it might sound exaggerated, but it is a massive thing for me. After decades of writing for the drawer, I decided to put myself out there. I challenged myself to write and publish one article a day to see if I can do it. I completed my 30-day challenge and haven’t stopped ever since. And here I am, six months and 240 published articles later. I have a follower base of over 2,000 people - which is a lot better than shouting into the void as it usually happens with regular bloggers. I am making money that starts to become more of an income stream than just insignificant pocket-money - and I am just getting started. I made friends, and I am part of a virtual community that has my back some days more than my real-life community does.
I wrote about this experience in this article:
Check out what else I’m writing:
I wrote about how we are over-romanticising the good old days instead of living in the present: The Golden Days Are Happening Now
A piece of unsolicited advice from someone on Tinder made me think about Objectification and Self-objectification on Dating Apps
No matter how much experience you have, how talented and successful you are, as a creative person, you will always face imposter syndrome in some form. This article is about how to fight your imposter syndrome, as it is not going anywhere.
I wrote for a new publication, called Towards Data Science: my musings about machines and their capability of empathy. It’s about artificial intelligence and technology but from a human empathy perspective.
I’m continuing my Role Models column in Better Marketing, and my next role model was Casey Neistat and his perfectly imperfect approach to success.
Check out what and who I am reading:
Jun Wu is a brilliant writer and a friend. She writes about technology and life and love and everything that matters. She wrote an article about female writers and the eight misconceptions about them. Must-read - for all genders.
We kill what we keep; in other words, we ruin the things that we love. You should totally read this exceptional piece on from Felicia C. Sullivan. She is brilliant, talented, and she has a unique writing voice that I’d like to have at some point. Besides, she is an exceptional marketer as well.
I come across this article with priceless advice from Nico Ryan on a few unusual ways of making money as a writer. Nico is a writer, ghostwriter and also an editor, and I was lucky enough to work with him on a couple of my pieces. He is insightful and very thorough, and in case you need editing and a fresh pair of eyes to shift your writing to the next level, he’s your guy!
I have a thing for the sea and the ocean, and the waves and the beach. And John Gorman has a thing for these, too. I have a writer’s crush on him, and he is a forever inspiration. His evergreen articles are seriously a must-read. This is one of my favourites.
My next challenge:
There is always a lot going on in my life, learning Spanish, commuting to another country weekly, train rides, workplace reunions, reconnecting with old friends. But the overachiever in me never stops. And I started to outline an idea for a novel, and I am working on a first draft. My challenge is to write 20,000 words in a month and keep doing it until the end of the year - which will allow me to have a draft of at least 60,000 words. I started it! I am working on it - and I am announcing it to keep myself accountable. More on this later, when there is anything further to say.
Thanks for being here with me. It’s such a fantastic journey, means a lot that I can share it with you! Don’t go anywhere, stay tuned.
Much love, have a wonderful weekend.
Zita
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